So yes, we are expecting a new placement within the next few hours.
Big week for us, yes.
We had a birthday party for our first Little Man Saturday, my first ever kid birthday party (to organize/host). It was super fun. We also, you know. Just got back from vacation, just found out about sending LM home, then Thursday got a call about this OTHER Little (though considerably less little than the original) Man…
You know that we have had these calls before. Last time I spent about 8 hours staring into space trying to think of everything and also to not think of anything because we wouldn’t know… glued to my phone… and it didn’t happen. So this time I was trying to not take it too too seriously until we heard more.
Friday we heard that the CPS worker had chosen us based on our home study, but the lawyer had to sign off on it. Sounds like just a signature on a page, but you never know with these things. Still trying to not jump in with both feet in case it fell through.
The lawyer came over Saturday morning from like 9:00-10:00 (the party was at 10:30… it was a SMIDGE rushed, but come on. I wasn’t really stressing it. A LITTLE more important than having the perfect party) and well, we are set to go. We pretty much ended up learning more about the lawyer than I ever particularly needed to know, and she barely asked us anything about ourselves or told us anything about the kiddo. But oh well.
Now, the honesty [I am kind of scared to put this because this kid is VERY likely to be a permanent addition to our family, and I don’t want to have this out there for God and everyone to see, but it’s real talk]: I’m not totally sure how to be, like, thinking about this.
I’ve tried various ways of “preparing” myself, and I kind of feel like I’m super not prepared at all, but I don’t really know what to do. It includes things like thinking through what we might need when he comes, which I have no idea, because I don’t know what he’ll come WITH. It includes things like these pointless mental exercises in trying to imagine our family in 2-5-10-20 years with him in it, which is impossible because I’ve never even met him before.
It’s a very strange thing. I have had the image brought to mind twice recently of like an arranged marriage. That’s kind of what we’re doing. A forever commitment to someone you know only very basic facts about. Male. 23 months. White. First name (with this probably-adoptive placement, we will probably even be able to tell you his name soon!!![!!]). Well, now we have all 3 names. We have MINIMAL background info.
Thing is, I know we will love this kid because every single kid is worthy of being loved by parents, so we will just have the adventure of discovering all the reasons he’s lovable, over the next few weeks/months/decades. I just don’t know them yet.
So how do you prepare? Beats me. I have prayed for him, a lot. For him to feel safe with us and for us to know how to help him mourn the life he’s leaving behind, even though he won’t know how or what it means. I have prayed for us to build family bonds, that he will be secure in those permanent relationships and understand at a very essential level that we belong to each other and aren’t going anywhere. That will take time; if it came immediately it would be cheap, so I know it won’t be soon, but I am praying for it.
I have been shaking in terror a tiny bit at a 2-yr-old… that might be the age I am the most scared of. I have looked around our house at all the stuff that could be broken or dangerous, and at all the non stuff we don’t own that would be fun for a 2-yr-old to play with. Hopefully it’ll cool down some soon. We do have parks…? What do 2-yr-olds do???
It is a surprisingly separate emotional experience though; there is one part that is going through this very bizarre and difficult and also good thing with our current little man, and an entirely other part that is trying to prepare for the Bigger Little Man. I don’t know if you were wondering, but no. I don’t see this necessarily making it easier to say goodbye to LM #1. I don’t know that it will make it harder. I don’t know. Right now it’s just two totally different things like having one hand in ice water and the other in hot water.
Ok well it’s about time to go be getting ready! He’s coming probably in a couple of hours! I also have to go make an appointment at an urgent care place because he probably already has an ear infection and our pediatrician’s office is closed for the holiday! So yay!