Things That Go Through Your Head While You’re Waiting to Hear About a Placement

We got a call at 4:15 yesterday about a little girl, “legal risk” (means likely to be adopted soon). We needed to answer them within 30 min. We said yes at 4:30, they said it was “pretty likely” or some such hope-filled-yet-indefinite term, and that we would hear “tomorrow morning”. She would be placed “tomorrow afternoon.”

It’s 2:11, FYI. In that aforementioned afternoon. Still waiting. I wanted to give you a little glimpse into the glorious headgame that is fostering. Mostly because I have attempted to think of other stuff to do for the past, oh, 7 hours, and I’m failing.

Things That Go Through Your Head While You’re Waiting to Hear About an Adoptive Placement:

– A girl. I hadn’t even prepared for a girl. (7 of our 8 calls we’ve had have been for boys.) We’ve had conversations about meth-exposed babies, developmentally delayed 4-yr-olds, black, hispanic, Native American First Peoples American Indian we-should-probably-do-some-homework-on-that, but a developmentally on-target, healthy, blonde-haired and blue-eyed girl is just about the only thing I HAVEN’T prepared for. What if she’s kind of, like, you know, a princess? [This is not racial profiling because she is a white girl. In the profile it clearly described her as a “girly girl” who likes to play dress-up.] We learned about the importance of valuing a child’s culture and self-identity. But I will not buy princess tutus and princess comforters. Or will I?

– It probably won’t happen.

– We could get a crib pretty fast, I bet. Or we have that Pack-n-Play.

– Shouldn’t think about cribs until we actually have the call, because we’ll probably have at least a few hours and that’s plenty of time for the basics.

– My car totally won’t fit two car seats. Dane’s will, though. I guess we’ll have to have the Kid Car and the Non-Kid Car.

– I don’t know this person. Who is this person? [Mental picture of them in a graduation gown, us with crow’s feet and silvering hair, our forever kid.]

– That would be a big change for Little Man.

– We have a trip coming up. You can’t say no to an entire human child on account of a trip to the beach. But also we’ve gotten 5 calls this week. There would be more the week after we get back. Or would there?

– Dane: I need to paint the closet. [Because, you see, a couple months ago, our printer broke. Dane needs a printer often, to print music for church etc. It goes like this: Printer broke. I gave someone the idea for his birthday to get him a cheap, b&w printer. They gave a gift card instead. $30 gift card SOMEHOW morphs into $200 super-printer (“It was 50% off! Way better than anything else you could get for under $100!”). Printer is huge. Dane wants to re-circuit the electrical wiring, put an outlet in the hall closet, move the shelves and hanging bar, make space for printer in closet, “can still fit all the stuff!” “Let’s paint it while all the stuff is out!” Stuff still in 3rd bedroom, weeks later.] Hence, painting closets last night, in case of human forever brand new Daniels family members today.

– Me: How will I go to the store? How much are double strollers?

– What’s going on on Facebook? Nothing is going on on Facebook. Ever. [Except for all of you lovely folks who came here from Facebook. Hi!]

– We are running out of minutes that still qualify traditionally as “morning”.

– [All the friends and family]: “Still no word?” “Still no word.”

– It probably won’t happen. We would have heard by now.

– [Pinterest] [Skinny girls in 40 layers with attractively terrible posture] [6-cheese butter quinoa kale tarts in banana balsamic reduction] [6-minute Olympian arms] [enormous vaguely aesthetically pleasing but bizarrely purposeless tattoos]

– I bet in a few months, we will have done this fifty times and feel like an idiot for being completely conjoined to my phone today.

– I’m going to do crunches. If my brain won’t do anything, my body might as well.

– [Does 3 crunches, stares at ceiling for 25 min] [Baby: “jungle gym!” crawls over mom’s torso, then back over, then back the other way, then back, then back the other way.]

– That other one they called about, he fell through completely. Even the people who answered first, they didn’t even get him. That happens all the time.

– What do 2-yr-olds eat?

– When did Little Man eat last? Hm. Might want to get on that.

– [Twitter]

– If we don’t go on this trip, will we ever travel again?

– The agency still doesn’t know, and they wanted her placed this afternoon, so they probably just picked a totally different agency and didn’t tell them, and I should go to the mall. I need people, and maybe even jeans. I haven’t bought jeans in like 2 years. And they have that thing Little Man can play on.

– But if I’m at the mall, and we have like an hour to prepare the house, I’ll be in trouble.

– But she’s probably not coming. Am I supposed to wait all day?

– What is a reasonable time to open a bottle of wine? I think, on a day like today, which was supposed to be cleanly divided between “morning” and “afternoon,” noon should be the cutoff for decency.

– Emotional drinking is very bad.

– Chocolate will do.

– Screw paleo, I want pizza tonight.

– Emotional eating is also very bad.

– This isn’t happening. Right? Not happening. Let’s try clothes. Real clothes. That’s a start. Obviously, if they wanted her placed “this afternoon,” they’ve chosen someone else. Right? Probably. Possibly. Probably, but not definitely.

– I’m tired. But I haven’t done anything. But I’m tired.

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6 comments on “Things That Go Through Your Head While You’re Waiting to Hear About a Placement
  1. Bonnie says:

    Dude, there are people over here, and we’re only like 3 minutes from your house. Put some clothes on and come get the “she’ll need these whichever way it goes” Junior Mints on the counter.

  2. I also forgot to add: “This one just really doesn’t feel right. But is that because it is a stranger that I’m supposed to meet and instantly be ‘Mom’ to for the rest of her life? Would any placement ‘not feel right’? Or does this one really not feel right?” Because that thought is legit.

    • Bonnie says:

      I have a lot of theories on that, which I’ll tell you when you get here. I think it’s a legit thought, but comes from maybe a not-so-legit place.

  3. Dane says:

    I’ve had a similar thought process all day. These lyrics at this morning’s chapel were strangely personal.


    “He Leadeth Me”

    He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
    O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
    Whate’er I do, where’er I be
    Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

    He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
    By His own hand He leadeth me;
    His faithful follower I would be,
    For by His hand He leadeth me.

    Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
    Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
    By waters still, over troubled sea,
    Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.


    Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
    Nor ever murmur nor repine;
    Content, whatever lot I see,
    Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.


    And when my task on earth is done,
    When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
    E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
    Since God through Jordan leadeth me.



    So there’s that.

  4. […] FACT: We have only ever gotten ONE single call for a female child, the one that I wrote about here. I have no idea why this […]

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