I am not a person prone to anxiety, I don’t think.
But Dane and I have planned a trip that’s coming up. We briefly discussed taking the little man with us, but were told it wasn’t possible. We were then told it might have been possible, but we had already lined up respite care and informed all the various involved parties and just thought it would be entirely too complicated.
I am now having like a complete and total freak-out about this situation.
I think it’s kind of a cliche for first-time parents to lose their minds the first time they leave their child for any period of time. I realize this. I realize that I am being a cliche.
But what they fail to tell you in sitcoms and punchlines directed at crazy first-time parents is that they TOTALLY HAVE A POINT, in a way.
Especially, you see, when the child in question is a) nonverbal and b) already has been in 3 different homes with 3 different “permanent” caregivers and may well be moved again in the not-so-distant future.
Because I know it made a difference when he was moved at 2 months old, but he didn’t really know it. I know it made a difference when he was moved again at 3 1/2 months old, but he didn’t really know it.
Well, he knows us now. He squeals “YAAAY!” and literally jumps up and down when we come in from having been gone, or when I walk into his room in the morning. He’ll know that we’re gone, but he won’t understand “they’re coming back.”
And I don’t even know how long one week IS to an almost-one-year-old. Is it eternity? Is it long enough to completely forget someone? So that he’ll get used to the respite family and then it’ll be like ANOTHER complete upheaval when we get back?
I know what you’re thinking: “Girl, you need to figure this nonsense out, because if you can’t leave him for one week, what do you expect to do if he goes home or to a relative permanently?”
But you see, that’s just it, isn’t it? If he has already been moved twice, and if he is going to be moved again at like 18-ish mo old, I feel a very heavy responsibility to give him as much stability and permanency as I possibly can, as long as I can.
I know that this would be hard if he was our bio kid and we were keeping him forever and ever, but it’s totally not the same when I already wonder about healthy attachment all the time since we got him later than birth, and I REALLY wonder about healthy attachment if he is going to be moved again.
Have any of you ever gone on trips without little ones? How did it go? Please tell me stories about how they squealed and hugged your neck when you got back. Except also tell me true things, whatever they are.
I know anxious posts aren’t as fun to read, but this is part of it, y’all. I promised to share.